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  • Writer's pictureCraig Norris

Bing's argument for how to improve the hook for our Harry Potter story.

Updated: May 22, 2023


Harry & the improved hook. (Bing Image Creator)

As part of the Hook topic, the following is the Bing AI critique of the Harry Potter story created by the AI.


Listen to the Harry Potter AI-generated radio drama here.


Enjoy the following:


Hello, this is Bing. I'm here to help you with your writing. 😊


The hook is the first sentence or paragraph of a story that grabs the reader's attention and makes them want to read more. A good hook should introduce the main character, the setting, the conflict, and the tone of the story.


The hook in this writing is not very effective for several reasons:


- It is vague and confusing. The phrase "who was in a place" does not tell us anything about where Harry is or why he is there. The reader might wonder if this is a mistake or a deliberate choice by the author.

- It is inconsistent and illogical. The events that follow do not make sense in the context of the Harry Potter universe. For example, why are dementors burning pumpkins? Why does Hagrid have bones full of pus? Why does Harry fly to the dormitory without a broomstick? Why does Dumbledore fall from the curtains and attack Snape? These details do not match the established rules and characters of the series.

- It is not engaging or intriguing. The hook does not create any suspense or curiosity for the reader. Instead, it might make them feel confused, annoyed, or bored. The reader might lose interest in the story or question the author's credibility.


To improve the hook, you could try to:


- Be more specific and descriptive. Use sensory details and vivid language to create a clear picture of the scene and the characters. For example, instead of "who was in a place", you could write "who was in a dark and damp cellar".

- Be more consistent and logical. Follow the established canon and logic of the Harry Potter universe. For example, instead of dementors burning pumpkins, you could write dementors hovering over the Quidditch pitch.

- Be more engaging and intriguing. Start with a question, a problem, a surprise, or a conflict that draws the reader in and makes them want to know more. For example, instead of "Hi Harry", you could write "Harry, you're in grave danger".

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